Is it hard to be a Somali single mother in the western world?


Is it hard being a Somali single mother in a western society? Hmmm…..for me, it’s hard being a single mother raising kids solo not matter what kind of society you live in or what your ethnicity might be period! But if we are referring to the hardships Somali women face as single mothers in dealing with people in our community, then yes.

As sad as it is for me to say this, being a single mother in our community comes with a stigma and a lot of gossip. For example, a child misbehaves or is acting out, it’s because he is being raised by a single mother. Nobody cares about how hard his mother has worked to make sure he is getting well educated, taking him to different types of activities just to ensure he stays out of trouble….etc, it’s still going to end up her fault…..but if that very same boy’s mother and father are still together and married then it’s “oh, poor so and so, this western society has ruined their child” or “poor so and so, he started hanging out with the wrong friends”. Did you note how there is no parent blaming?

I remember when I was going through my divorce, a male distant relative of mine had the audacity to actually approach me and tell me “once your children, especially boys, start acting out and turn ‘bad’, don’t come running to me for help”….boy! He must have been a fortune teller because he seems to be predicting, indirectly, what is in store for me in the near future 🙄

The actual fact that the minute you become a single mother has everyone predicting how “bad” your children will turn out without their father’s presence has me fuming 😤

Oh, and let’s not forget about how married women whom you used hit the dance floor with at weddings all of a sudden keep you on the distances because they are worried you will come for their husbands 😩 Like girl bye, I ain’t that desperate yet!

If these people aren’t busy predicting your children’s future or protecting their husbands from you, they are out there feeling sorry for you like your out living in the streets with your kids and getting your daily meals from rubbish bins. Like N to the O, NO GIRLFRIEND, I don’t need your fake ass sympathies! My kids and I have a roof above our heads, fridge full of delicious food you would wish you can get your hands on and wearing clean clothes!! So what exactly are you feeling sorry about now? I definitely know you ain’t feeling sorry because I’m raising my kids solo ‘coz honey, let’s be real!, you are doing just about the same despite being married! Your husband is either working, sleeping or sitting at a coffee shop somewhere discussing Somali politics amongst other “husbands”! Which leaves you with raising the kids solo too 💁🏽

Being a single mother is hard in general, no matter where you live but what makes it even harder for us Somali mothers is the stigma, dirty looks and talks we receive from the people in our community. I think it’s about time all the Somali single mothers got together and did something to create an awareness regarding these issues… of the main reasons I started this blog, clearly quoting that I’m a single mother of 4.

Read this article on this topic from another fellow Somali single mothers point of view.

Until next time mommas and friends, ma’salaama 🤗 And just on a side note, I’m not generalising, there are heaps of amazing people in our community whom I’m pretty sure don’t fit in this criteria 🙂 Peace ✌️


Comparison is the killer of all joy….


Salaam mommas,

How y’all doing? Well and blessed I hope 😀

Let me tell y’all….life has been crazy! And it’s gonna get even crazierrrrr (is that even a word, can I use that? :/ ) now with the school holidays just around the corner!

Speaking of life and it’s craziness, let’s discuss the issue of comparing our life to that of others, whether it’s people we meet on a daily basis, friends, relatives and celebrities or people we follow on social media (youtube, instagram, Facebook…..etc). Like the title says, comparison is the killer of all joy.

Sometimes when we go through a struggle in our life, we can find ourselves looking at how others are living theirs and we start comparing. We start comparing their lifestyle to ours, putting so much focus on their blessing or what they have been blessed with while ignoring our own blessing or what we have been blessed with. The minute we start doing that is when all these negative feelings start building up in our minds. What we tend to forget is that we only see what’s on the outside. These people, be it friends, relatives, celebrities or people you follow on social media, might be fighting battles of their own that they don’t show us, and only deal with or cry about behind closed doors!

People will only show you or talk about their great moments, you know, whatever they are giving you or showing you are those moments when they feel like at the top of the world. What you will not see a lot of though is when these very people, you are comparing your life to, are at their lowest moments.

A friend of mine once said to me, look at your life like as though you’re making a beautiful sculpture. It might take an artist months or even years of hard work and struggles of ups and downs to complete a beautiful sculpture that everybody falls in love with and every artists sculpture is different, unique and beautiful in it’s own way. They all put the same amount of hard work, commitment and dedication to complete it and they all experienced the same struggles of ups and downs to have it completed. Life is just the same. We are all blessed in different ways and we all struggle differently too.

For that reason, comparing any part of your life, whether it is your marriage, kids, your relationships, friends…etc, will only kill the joy and beauty in them because, like I said, you don’t know what’s going on behind the closed doors of these people you’re comparing your life to. I mean, and trust me when I say this because I’m talking from experience! If you took a tiny peek through that closed door to see what these people are dealing with, you would probably close that door right back and thank the Lord you aren’t dealing with the same! So let’s just learn to appreciate and be grateful for what we already have. My mother always said to me, once you know how to be grateful for what you already have, Allah swt (God) will bless you with more….and I couldn’t agree with her more.

Till next time mommas, ma’salaama 😀

She is making history….


Many people might believe their battle for respect in life is hard enough already without also trying to become a referee.

It is a thought not lost on Jawahir Roble. “Who would ever think a black, Somali-born immigrant girl with eight siblings could ref a men’s game in England with a hijab on?” she asks with a gentle shake of the head while reflecting on a remarkable personal journey.

Known as Jawahir Jewels, or JJ to her friends, the 23-year-old is sitting with Standard Sport at Wembley ahead of England’s World Cup qualifier against Slovenia as a guest of the Football Association, just a few weeks after winning the Match Official gong at the organisation’s 2017 Respect Awards. Eleven winners were chosen from more than 1,000 nominations, with JJ recognised for her volunteering work at education charity Football Beyond Borders (FFB) and Middlesex FA, coaching FFB’s first ever women’s team and reaching her Level Six referee qualification.

Continue to read here


You can’t love too much…


One of the most common questions I am asked about relationships is whether a child can be too attached to his or her parents. There is a general fear and persistent myth that if we focus on building relationships with our kids, we may hinder their grow as independent and self-sufficient beings. There is a paradoxical relationship between attachment and separation, which is often misunderstood.

The short story is this: Attachment doesn’t slow down growth, it fuels it.
When you consider the big picture, the ultimate goal in raising a child is to help them become their own separate person. We should want them to have their own mind, set their own goals, form their own reasons, make their own decisions, think for themselves, know their boundaries and create their own intentions. What we really need to be asking is: What do we need to do to make sure our kids grow like this?

Continue reading here

10 crazy things I googled as a sleep deprived new parent


Salaam mommas,

How y’all doing? Well and blessed I hope.

I know y’all….it’s been quite sometime since I last posted. With the school holidays and still having work, life has been quite hectic. With kids back to school and coming back to our normal routine, you will hopefully be seeing more of me in sha Allah (God Willing).

How were y’all mommas out there like when you had your first child? What crazy things did y’all do or googled? For me, I spoiled my first. I never wanted to put her down and when I did, I was going back and forth to the room to check if she was fine and still breathing like every second 🙈 As for crazy things I googled….well….let’s just say there were a lot. The one that sticks out the most is googling why my newborn baby’s poop 💩 turned green all of a sudden, didn’t get a satisfactory answer from google so decided to call my mom. I mean, she had me and all my other siblings so she would definitely be an expert in this more so than google right? 💁🏽

Here is an article to give you a bit of a giggle on  this topic and trust me, I googled almost all 10 of those questions so we could definitely all relate as mothers.

Click here to read article.

Until next time mommas, ma’salaama 💁🏽


Catch and release….


Haha! Jokes on the image. But I wanted to share with y’all the meaning of the title, Catch and Release.

Have you ever had one of those days where you seem to be filling up with emotions and the struggles seems to be getting crazy real to ya? Same here! Here is a little secret, whenever you are having one of those days, catch all those emotions you are feeling into one big deep breath while out on your balcony, backyard or wherever of your choice and release it. An even better way to catch and release, catch hold of a dear friend, who happens to be a talented listener 👂 , and release it. Keeping things in will only end up driving you crazy mommas so always remember catch and release 😉


Until next time y’all, ma’salaama/peace 😀

10 Tips For Single Parents….


Salaam mommas,

Here are 10 tips to help you succeed as a single mother by By Lisa Dubino

If I had known ahead of time how challenging it would be to work full time and raise two children I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have signed up so quickly. But I have enough experience in working with chaos I know I’ll get through this too. It’s certainly not something you can prepare for! Time has never been so valuable and at long last I’m becoming more patient. I am grateful for so many zen moments! Here’s a few things I’ve learned as a single parent:

1. Use Your Words. I got this from my boss. I have a tendency to not know where to start when I’m trying to explain something. Just like my kids. Now instead of saying “Get to the point” I gently say “Use your words.” It’s so important for my two boys to state clearly what’s on their mind and to feel comfortable doing so. I’ve had one treated for anxiety already which he carried as a stomach ache. I myself will keep things in for eternity and am just learning to speak up and say what I’m feeling. It’s my role to set this example and they are my best reminders.

2. It’s Not in the Budget. I must say this five times a day. It’s my first response to “Mom, I want… I need… Can I have…” But then I got smart and bumped it up a notch. Now when they want something they can ask me directly once, which includes via text, and then it goes on a list on the refrigerator. Every other week after payday we have a “family meeting” where I go over the household priorities and if there’s anything left and the request merits consideration, I’ll let them have it. If there’s nothing left they have to wait. And if they continue to ask me for whatever after that first time, it comes off the list.

3. Safety First. I have very few rules for many reasons, one being I’ll forget what I said and two that I’m not very good at enforcing them. But their safety is another matter. Aside from the really obvious rights of passage such as playing with matches, carving wood with my paring knives, and using the saw to build a desk out of scrap wood, I finally figured out how to enforce the helmet law. The rule is: If I catch either of them without a helmet, I’m taking the bikes/scooters/ripsticks/skateboards/longboards to work with me. This way they patrol each other. I haven’t had to do it yet.

4. There Will Be Consequences. I’m all about the natural ones. If my older son were to miss the school bus, which hasn’t happened, he’d have to take the elementary school bus with the little kids and be late. If they do anything wrong at school there’s a whole manual that they signed and they know what the punishment will be. Those things are taken care of. Here at the house, if they don’t flush the toilet the bathroom smells. If they don’t brush their teeth they have bad breath. If they bring food in their bedrooms, they’ll have bugs. If they don’t put their things away, it’s fair game and their brother can take it. If they hit each other, there’s usually a bigger underlying problem that needs to be addressed. I subscribe to the HALT acronym (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired.) First I put a stop to it and separate them and then dig a little deeper. No sense adding to the situation and exerting energy that I probably don’t have at the end of the day trying to diffuse it by yelling.

5. The Circle from Disney. This is a lifesaver. It’s a little box that connects to your router and allows you to set time limits on internet usage on all devices, via your phone, and you can turn it off at will as well. We don’t argue about internet usage. I bought this handy little gadget a few months back. At first I didn’t tell them about it and was thoroughly entertained when they couldn’t figure out what was going on with their internet connection but eventually they caught on. My oldest actually went to tech support at school asking where the message was coming from on his school issued laptop and they didn’t know. After the discovery I sat down with each of the them and went over what we both considered fair for usage. I can spy too but that’s not an issue now.

6. It’s All in the Spin. So much drama about divorce on TV shows and movies. That’s what sells. But it doesn’t have to be that way if you don’t make it. I don’t really like driving three hours on weekends to bring them to their coparent’s house, but on the plus side we have fun on the trip over. We’ve got a routine going and they seem to like it. They play their music, we get a treat for the trip, and I usually hear a story or two from their week. And on the way back I get some downtime.

7. A Coparent is a Good Thing. I think if more married couples had date night or went out once in a while without their spouse (assuming it wasn’t an affair) there’d be more married couples. When the boys are away I relish the time to regroup. Me, my time, my choices. And sometimes a date. How can I miss you if you don’t leave?! Always happy to see them again.

8. Even Moms Get Tired. When my youngest doesn’t want to go to bed and stalls past the bewitching hour, sometimes I just have to give it to him straight. I’m sorry buddy but I’m tired and I have to go to bed and that’s all there is to it. You’re on your own. Go back to your room and figure it out. I won’t play that game. He keeps trying but when I get my sleep, I win.

9. It’s All About Me. It’s always all about the children. But is it? If I don’t take care of myself first I can’t take care of them. Just like getting enough rest, I also have other fundamental needs. And it’s my responsibility to address them. By doing so I’m setting an example for them. Children are so needy. There’s no way out of it. I bond with my oldest at breakfast. He’s a morning guy. My youngest is a total crab when he wakes up and grunts his way through the morning routine. I’ve learned to leave him alone. We have our time at bedtime when we read or play a game. And when the boys come back from their coparent’s they are both, at the same time, chatty and wound up. I’m grateful that they’re excited to see me and also know that I have to stop whatever I’m doing and give them the time and attention they need upon arrival.

10. You Got This. There are days that just absolutely suck when you’re a parent, solo or even in the best of marriages. But as a single parent, you don’t have anyone immediately available to comfort you. And that’s probably the hardest part of it. When stress hits and the feeling of isolation, self doubt, loneliness, regret, and whatever else comes your way sets in and you’re stuck, remember that you’re not alone. Ask yourself what you’re feeling, know that you’ll get through it, take some time for yourself and then get back in there. One of the best lessons you can teach your children is to acknowledge that bad things happen but with the right coping skills life goes on. Bring it!

Until next time, ma’salaama mommas and friends 😀