How y’all doing? Well and blessed I hope 😀
Often when a divorce happens, especially when children are involved, parents (mainly mothers) blame themselves for it. Why? If a marriage is not working and you did everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) you possible could to make it work with no luck, then why should you continue to suffer and live miserably? You shouldn’t! I didn’t! I walked away and learnt to move on!
Honestly, with me, it was quite the opposite. In a way, I kinda knew it was coming. It was an arranged marriage to begin with and we didn’t get along from day 1 of our marriage! The mistake I made was I stayed in a marriage I was not happy in for far too long due to family pressure and worrying as to how I would provide for my children financially. As the years kept on going by I realised doing what I was doing was only taking a toll on my health and wellbeing, so I made…what people were calling a “selfish” decision….and asked for divorce. I haven’t looked back ever since alhamdulillaah and I’m proud to say I’m living a happy and peaceful life with my children. Something I wasn’t able to achieve in my marriage. Don’t get me wrong, it ain’t easy raising 4 kids alone, but when you realise something is affecting your health and wellbeing, you have to learn to do what’s right for YOU! And not worry about family, finance…etc. There is a saying, trust God and He will show you a way to solve all your problems.
I remember reading this amazing article awhile back on advice for single mothers and thought of sharing it with y’all. It has honestly helped me prepare mentally on the journey I was about to take on. Hope it will be of some help to any single mothers or soon to be single mothers reading this.
“I am prouder of my years as a single mother than of any other part of my life. Yes, I got off benefits and wrote the first four Harry Potter books as a single mother, but nothing makes me prouder than what Jessica told me recently about the first five years of her life: “I never knew we were poor. I just remember being happy.” J.K. Rowling
Becoming a single mum following divorce is one of the most devastating life events to live through, and yet, it is not discussed much. Anywhere. Except perhaps amongst single Mums, like some dirty little shameful secret. Around 20% of families with children less than 15 years of age are headed by a single parent, nearly 90% of those by mothers. That’s one in five families. In Australia, 24% of children in single parent households are living in poverty versus 7% in households with two parents. Single mothers are more likely to experience mental health difficulties than partnered mothers. Children from single parent families are twice as likely to suffer mental health problems compared with children from two parent households. Stigmatisation of single mothers remains alive and well and this is compounded by financial stress.
Why as a society are we not talking about this more? Why do we play the blame game and label single mothers with any number of horrible terms? In no particular order, single mothers are told; they are easy, they are slutty, they got pregnant with some random guy, they sponge off welfare and honest tax payers, they should work and stay home with their kids simultaneously, they should have tried harder to keep their marriages together, they are man haters but are not to be trusted around other women’s husbands, they take money they haven’t earned unfairly from their ex-husbands, they have troubled kids who are suffering without a man in the house, they are pitiful, they are incomplete, they party irresponsibly whenever their ex has the kids, they are unbalanced, they have something wrong with them as they couldn’t keep their marriage together, that some man shouldn’t be expected to pick up the pieces of their bad choices. Whatever they do, it will never be as good as married Mums. And it is their fault. Be honest – have you had these thoughts about single Mums? If you are a married mother with children, how would you feel if, all of a sudden, these labels were applied to you?
Until next time mommas, ma’salaama and remember you are not alone. There are thousands of single mothers around the world dealing with and going through what you are dealing with or going through right now. Life happens, just breath through it and count your blessings! Peace y’all 😀